Reboot Needed

Cultivating happiness to clear the mind.

Dear Reader, I have tried for two weeks now to write to you on the fear of bridges. Gephyrophobia. Except my mind is like a pinball machine, my thoughts bouncing wildly, randomly, all over the place. Therefore, of course, my words are … you guessed it. All over the place. 

What sounds coherent internally lands like gibberish on the page. Nothing. Absolutely nothing I can share with you. Repeatedly, I’ve tossed the laptop aside in frustration. Folding the laundry is more fun than arm wrestling these thoughts into submission.

“Mommmmm, your ADD is showing,” Mackenzie has said with increasing frequency of late. And I’ve been asking myself with kind exasperation, “What’s up, Buttercup?” But I haven’t been able to figure it out. Until yesterday.

Early, a friend sent a photo of cars lined up in a parking lot. It was a beautiful early Fall morning. And he was in a parking lot with his classic-in-the-making car, surrounded by others like it.

What struck me about this? He knows what brings him Joy. And. He makes time for that in his life. It’s a state of being: intentional with cultivating happiness.

I pondered this all day. At last, the solution to calming and redirecting my pinball machine brain became apparent as I landed on these two questions.

What brings me deep Joy? When is the last time I made time for that?

One of my favorite things to do is hike Stone Mountain. I used to do so every Sunday morning. Twice. Once for fitness and a second time to commune with the surrounding Nature. Time consuming? Yes. Physically challenging? Yes. Soul enriching? Also, yes.

Why, then, did I stop? The usual. My Sunday morning schedule changed of necessity, so my Sunday morning Joy hike likewise changed. I stopped making time for something that matters to me. We’ve all been there, yes?

Inspired, this morning I hit the Reset Button. I bounced from the bed and out the door before sunrise, cold brew in a traveler. I was surprised to remember that Stone Mountain is only 20 minutes away from home in Atlanta. From recollection, it was surely much farther than that. 

Note to self: Distinguish between lack of time and lack of planning; gather the facts before dismissing a desire outright.

As I hiked the path, thoughts flew in and out and all about. A Harry Potter Quidditch match of the mind, the Golden Snitch wrecking havoc in its wake. And yet. Before I knew it, the thoughts calmed down.

Turns out, they didn’t need my help; as I gave my thoughts room to breathe, they began to sort themselves. 

I was present. Breathing. One foot in front of the other. I was in memory. My feet moving from instinct borne of hundreds of prior hikes up and down this granite mountain.

What is it about this place?

There’s an energy here unlike anything I’ve experienced. Is it the granite, some electromagnetic field emanating from below? Is it the collective energy of the Souls who have toiled up and down this steep, rocky path? Is it my own energy, the laughter and tears and Joy and pain that have flowed within and through and out of me on this mountain, revisited? Whatever it is, it is a balm for my Soul. 

Along the way today, I heard at least five languages spoken. I eavesdropped on conversations about things that matter: geometry tests, girlfriends, boyfriends, remarriage, sibling spats, true crime storylines, office politics, business strategies, whether to identify as a high soprano or an alto, choosing the easiest path or the steepest.

Then there were those of us walking solo. Alone but not lonely. Taking it all in. Or tuning it all out. Either. Both. Breathe. It’s a beautiful cacophony. A communion.

Each time I’ve hiked here, I’ve taken away something new. About myself. About humanity.

The takeaway today is on Encouragement. It’s worth some thought, this notion of how we encourage and support and push and pull one another. Forward. Upward. 

I encountered two men on the climb. One called back in a beautiful lilting accent, certainly from Africa, “I never brought no-bo-dy out here who turns around!” A woman trailing behind retorted, “Well, I’ll be your first!” 

Continuing up the path, he declared in staccato emphasis, “No. Nope. Not even Vic-tor-i-a turned around.” Keeping pace, he did not even look back. For he’d thrown down the gauntlet. Increasing my pace, I did not even look back. For I knew she’d keep going.

I continued on, outpacing them. On the mountain, one must learn to outpace. This is necessary so one does not get caught in others’ conversations. A snippet is one thing; enmeshment is another. This is essential so one does not fall victim to others’ music choices blasting on wireless speakers. All I can say is, why? Why, for Nature has much to share if only we would listen to her in this moment. 

Protect your Peace, darling. I reminded myself this as I accelerated. Climbing stronger. Breathing harder. Remembering a lesson from hikes before: Observe. But with distance. Return to your own sacred thoughts.

As I crested the steepest point, I overheard a woman sitting on the rocks to my left. Winded, she was speaking into her phone, “We’re sitting up here waiting for you. … Take your time, baby. … We’ll be here when when you get here. … Mmmm-hmmm, keep going.” 

I thought about the ways we encourage one another. Tough Love. Nourishing Love. All is possible when we meet one another with Deep Love. 

There are many more examples, too many to share. But on my way down, I encountered three beautiful humans. The African gentleman who’d thrown down the gauntlet. The taller gentleman with whom he’d kept pace up the mountain. And the woman who’d begrudgingly accepted the challenge. Walking together, this time as she led the way.

This Life, it comes full circle. We begin. We struggle. With encouragement, we excel. We bring others along with us. We achieve. We rest. We walk away. We realize an absence. Feeling the call, we return. We begin again. 

Dear Reader, may your journey be blessed. I’ll leave you with this: What brings you Joy? When is the last time you made time for that? XO, Ash